I have a close friend who has this beautiful marriage. I’ve always admired how they have stayed together for so long and are still happy. After being around them for a certain amount of time, I realized the one thing they do is prioritize their relationship. They regularly create a “date” night, where they rid themselves of children and their friends. During this time, they focus on only each other.
When my children were growing up, my priority was always them. Perhaps that is because I never felt I was anyone’s priority, but when I get right down to it, maybe it was me that did not prioritize them either.
After my children left home, I started to see my priorities shift. Putting them first had always been how it was. Now they were gone, and for the first time, I began to focus on other relationships.
That is when I met my person. Early on in our relationship, we agreed always to be each other’s priority. We have made a habit out of taking a certain amount of time to spend working on our connection. It has made all the difference in my love life. He is by far more than a guy I live with; he is my best friend and the safest place to be.
Think about the last time you and your significant other connected on a deeper level. Do you remember? If the answer is no, then why not create a habit of prioritizing your relationship again. Valentine’s day is coming soon, so this would be a perfect time to get your love back on track.
Everything we do is out of habit. Therefore, to prioritize your relationship, you need to do it daily until it becomes a habit.
Commit that you will focus on each other every day at a specified time and location for 21 days. Any person that genuinely loves you wants to have a successful relationship and would be willing to do this.
If you have small children, do this after they are asleep, so there are no interruptions. Also, make sure all electronics are off. No distractions!
During this time, create a habit of talking about the two of you. Not the kids, not work or what your friends are doing. Just the two of you. My guy and I always start this off by saying something like, “tell me a story.” Then the other will tell a story about themselves that the other has never heard and vice versa.
Make this a safe place for you both. Leave any judgments out of this conversation.
Ladies, we are notorious for having our feelings hurt. We ask for the truth from our men, but they quickly learn that we don’t want it, we want to hear what we want to hear, so they do that instead. That’s not what you are going for here, let them be completely honest, and you accept whatever it is they have to say.
If you are with the right person, they will want to be vulnerable and share all their secrets and stories with you. They will want to connect with you on a deeper level. However, you will never get to this place without being completely honest and without judgment. Everyone wants to be loved unconditionally, and that includes your guy.
Guys, you may be hoping that this leads to sex every night. However, don’t count on that. You should be able to connect with your person on this level without the expectations of getting something in return. Now I’m not saying you won’t get sex on some nights, because you might! Women are more willing to give themselves to you when they feel deeply loved.
If you need some ideas to start the conversation, here is a list of questions to ask (print or download here.):
- The first time you saw me, what did you think?
- What do you think our strengths are as a couple?
- If you could pick one annoying thing I do, what would it be?
- What is something I could do to make your life easier?
- At what moment did you realize you had fallen in love with me?
- What is a secret you’ve never told anyone before?
- Describe what the word love means to you?
- What is your favorite memory of our life together?
- Describe who I am, without mentioning anything physical.
- If you could do anything, what would it be?
- Who is the person that has influenced you the most and why?
- What is the most embarrassing moment of your life?
- How do you think we are similar/different from one another?
- What goals do you have in life, and how can I help you achieve them?
- How do you see our future together?
- What is one thing I can do to make our relationship better?
- If you stranded on a desert island, what three things would you want with you?
- Have you ever been scared to ask me something?
- What lesson did your father/mother teach about love?
- Describe your perfect day.
“Love is composed of a single soul, inhabiting two bodies.” – Aristotle
Work on this each day until you’ve created the habit of prioritizing your relationship. When you feel that you have reconnected with each other, you can then set aside time once a week or month for a longer time. A “date” night, but make sure that your date night is intimate and centered around only the two of you.
Other love articles to check out:
Mindful Gift Ideas For Valentine’s Day
10 Ideas for Practicing Self-Love on Valentine’s Day
Why Mashed Potatoes Are Important in Relationships
Relationships, The Five Rules to Deeper Love
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