For the past six weeks, we’ve worked on creating balance in our emotional and inner well being. If you’ve missed any of those challenges start with Mindfulness Challenge, Create a Balanced Life. Now, over the next several weeks, we are going to start working on balancing out our social, romantic, and family relationships.
To start, I have a confession. I have always struggled with being an introvert. I don’t like being the center of attention, and I enjoy solitude. It takes me a while to become comfortable with someone, but when I do, I become more of an extrovert. The problem with this is, I’m also very curious by nature. I love to meet new people and hear their stories. Therefore, my social skills are something I work on continually. It has helped me so much that my guy is a social butterfly. He has no issue starting a conversation with anyone, and that gives me the confidence to do the same.
While in Jamaica this past week, my goal was to work on this and meet new people.
Enter Al from Ontario. It was our second night in Jamaica when my guy went to the bar to grab us a few drinks. He was taking longer than expected, and I turned to notice that he was engaged in a conversation with a gentleman at the bar. When he returned to our table, he told me that Al was a widower and had lost his wife last year.
Without thinking, I told my guy I couldn’t have him sitting alone at the bar and he had to join us. He did, and for the next few hours, I spent listening to Al, talk about his love, and the loss of her. His daughter was worried about him and had booked this trip for him to get him out of the house. Years before, he had come to this resort with his wife. We listened to Al because that is what he needed, to socialize and start living again. I couldn’t help but think his wife would be so happy knowing for that a few hours Al was ok and not lonely.
Two nights later, we ran into Al again and picked up on our conversation. Unfortunately, we tried to find Al before we left but couldn’t locate him. We wanted to give him our cards and hope that he would keep in touch and let us know how he was doing. Hopefully, one day our paths will cross again.
Had I not stepped out of my comfort zone, I’d never would have had this incredible experience of learning about someone else’s life.
Good listeners have a huge advantage. For one, when they engage in conversation, they make people ‘feel’ heard. They ‘feel’ that someone really understands their wants, needs and desires. And for good reason; a good listener does care to understand. – Simon Sinek
Your mindfulness challenge for this week is to build your social skills.
Within the next week, your challenge is to find someone that you don’t know very well. It could be someone you work with, a person you have been around in social settings but don’t know very well or some random stranger you approach in public.
Start a conversation with them and ask questions to learn about them. Most of us tend to talk about ourselves instead of learning about others but try to wholeheartedly to stay present and focus on listening to the other person.
Don’t listen with the intent to respond, but give them your undivided attention.
If you have an awkward silence, ask them a question or a series of questions to continue them to keep talking about their lives.
Now, as you are listening to this person, put yourself into the state of “feeling” them. When we “feel” others, it means we are internally shifting our emotions and seeing things from their perspective.
Your goal here is to be curious and open to this person no matter what they have to tell you. Accept whatever it is this person is saying in a non-judgmental way.
When the conversation is over, and you are once again alone, reflect on how this conversation went.
Did you feel better or worse knowing that this person may have needed to talk about their life? Keep in mind that whatever you think is perfectly fine. This person may have told you things you didn’t want to hear, so it’s acknowledging your feelings towards this good or bad.
Hopefully, no matter how the conversation went, in some way, it helped you grow as a person. Perhaps like me, to become more confident in meeting other people and hearing their stories! Maybe for Al, it was to learn to enjoy life again. Whatever the reason, everyone we meet will teach us something.
If you or someone you know would benefit from weekly mindfulness challenges, please sign up for our mailing list here. I would love for you to be a part of our mindful tribe.
For further reading on social skills, check out: The Social Skills Guidebook: Manage Shyness, Improve Your Conversations, and Make Friends, Without Giving Up Who You Are
Other articles you may have missed this week:
5 Tips for Avoiding Small Town Gossip
Mindful Love, How to Prioritize Your Relationship
Peace & Love,
Ela
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