If you’ve ever lived in a small town, then you know that they can be a cesspool for gossip. I grew up in a small town and couldn’t wait to get out of it when I turned 18. Why? Because all around me were people were gossiping. That did not align with who I was or wanted to be, so I hightailed it out of there.
However, ten years later, I had all forgotten what it was like to live in a small town. All the bad memories had faded, and all that was left were good memories. That’s when I decided to move back to the outskirts of my hometown.
Since then, like many others, I’ve been the subject of gossip. I know first hand how it feels to have people spreading lies about you. The first time I heard I was the subject of gossip, was when a woman with the same name as me, was arrested for dealing drugs. It was all over town that I, a single mother who got up at 4 am each morning to drive to the city to work for a huge corporation, making great money, would be arrested for dealing drugs. Seriously? I barely had time to wash my underwear, let alone be a drug dealer. Not one person contacted me to ask me if it was true. Instead, spreading lies and making me look bad was far more newsworthy.
It’s not only my small town; if you ever meet anyone who comes from a small town, they will tell you similar stories. People in small towns can quickly become addicted to spreading gossip. And why wouldn’t they? It’s all about who gets the most attention because they told the best story in the coffee shop that day.
However, those who gossip are nothing more than bullies. They spread their opinions about others to gain attention and love for themselves. Those who gossip lack self-confidence and are usually very envious, unhappy people. And the worst part? They ruin people’s reputation.
They love the attention they get from telling the story and rarely even attempt to get both sides of a story before they spread it.
“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
So how do you avoid the gossip?
Stop believing everything you see and hear.
Nothing anyone says is the truth; it’s only their opinion. To understand this point, I always go back to the time when a friend and I were out one night in our town. The next day my friend called me and said, “You won’t believe what I just heard.” She tells me that someone had stopped her and said that they heard I was sticking a camera up my shirt and photographing my breasts, then showing people. The person who started this gossip completely made this up to make me look bad or thought they saw me do this.
We got a huge laugh out of it because it was ridiculous. However, most gossip is not ridiculous; it’s hurtful and can ruin a person’s life. Unless you know that it is 100% true, without a doubt, no ifs, and, or buts, stop believing everything you hear.
“Gossip is the sound of jealousy.” – Anton Rubaclini
Don’t repeat it.
If you repeat something to other people with the intent to make them look less appealing, you are gossiping. You should never repeat anything that you don’t know is 100% true (which means you were there at the precise moment that the incident happened and everyone involved confirmed what happened). And when someone trusts you enough to share their secrets with you, be a trustworthy person, and keep those secrets to yourself.
Remember, what you put out in the world is what you get back. Treat others the exact same way you want to be treated.
“A healthy mind does not speak ill of others.” – Unknown
Stop Associating With People who Gossip
I like to think that most people are good and don’t want to spread gossip. However, they do so because everyone around them is doing the same and they want to fit in. The best way to avoid gossip is to stop giving your time to those who do. Yes, that means they will probably gossip about you now. However, the truth is, they probably already were, behind your back. Find people who want to do things and be better. Like attracts like, who you surround yourself with says a lot about who you are.
I used to be close with someone who was a jealous person, I would see this jealousy come out when they talked about other women, but always ignored it. I thought this person was beautiful, that is what I saw and felt that she needed reassurance, so I gave it to her. However, several years later, I found out the things I heard her say about others; she was saying those and even worse things about me too.
Avoid people who spend their time talking about others, because I promise they are doing the same about you.
“What Suzie says about Sally, says more about Suzie, than Sally.” – Unknown
Mind Your Own Business.
The best way I’ve found to stay away from gossip is to mind my own business. I’m to busy focusing on goals and my growth to give a shit what the person down the road is doing. What others do is none of your business. You do you and let others do them.
“People have a lot to say about lives they’ve never lived.” – Unknown
Look in the mirror
When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you love who you are?
When people talk about you, they are talking about their image of you. It’s how they see you. If someone says something negative about you, it’s because they are negative, not you. People spread hate about you because hate lives inside of them. It’s important not to take it personally when others gossip about you. If you want to avoid gossip, work on yourself, so when you look in the mirror, you only see what you see in others.
“When people insult you, don’t take offense, don’t take it personally, but do listen to their words. They are telling you how they see the world. They are telling you the exact negative qualities they possess.” – Doe Zantamata
So how do you handle those who gossip when you don’t want to?
Let’s say your out and about. Someone you know comes up and starts gossiping about another person. That’s not your fault. They are trying to get you to come to their level, which is really on them unless you choose to do so.
Sometimes I try to change the subject, or I stick up for the person. However, there have been times I have let them say what they have to say, and I form no judgment about it, nor do I repeat it. I treat it as a thing that is happening and don’t attach myself to it in any way.
If this happens frequently, you can also start questioning them to see why they feel the need to discuss this other person.
Another thing that I’ve done is to ask the other person directly about their side of the story. I admire people who do this over the alternative of repeating information to another. When we go directly to the source, we give them the option of setting the record straight.
“Always remember… Rumors are carried by haters, spread by fools, and accepted by idiots.” ― Ziad K. Abdelnour
Final Thoughts.
I believe that gossip is highly prevalent in small towns, I also firmly believe (to my core) that there are well-meaning people in small-towns. I have no clue what someone does after I have a conversation with them (that’s on them). However, I like to think that most of the people in my town would help anyone they could if the situation arose.
We should all invest the time we spend gossiping into working on ourselves and being kind to others. When people speak of my small town, my only wish would be that they talk about how kind and accepting everyone is.
If you or someone you know would benefit from weekly mindfulness challenges, please sign up for our mailing list here. I would love for you to be a part of our mindful tribe.
Other articles you may have missed recently:
Mindful Gift Ideas For Valentine’s Day
I Am, A Meditation to Discover You and Soothe Your Soul
2 Comments
Leave your reply.