Like most of us, I’ve always dreamed of having a more profound love. Someone who speaks to my soul. Throughout my life, I never felt that connection with anyone that felt the same about me.
By the time I was in my mid-forties, I had thought this type of relationship didn’t exist. No matter how many times I would express this to anyone I was with, I would get these stares like I was speaking a foreign language. They would often tell me I was being ridiculous or convince me that those types of relationships are only in the movies. I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I heard “real men, don’t act like that.”
I was 45 when I had decided that was enough. If I couldn’t have the type of love I always wanted, I didn’t need any at all.
I had been single for almost a year when I was introduced to my person. I wasn’t looking for anyone. I’d made the decision to become a hermit, live with my dog, and eat tacos twice a week. I was even excited that this was going to be my future.
There he was the man I had looked for my entire life. The first year we were together we spent talking every night. We joke about it now how we missed the whole seasons of our favorite shows. We would get home from work, fix dinner, and spend the rest of the evening talking until it was time for bed.
I’ve searched for something like this. I know what it was that’s been missing in my relationship. Had I never experienced this, I am not sure I would be able to explain what is when you finally meet the one for you. These are the things that my person and I do regularly that I never had with anyone else. To find true love and the one meant for you, you need to be willing to do the following:
Listen Deeply
Look them in the eyes and pay attention; this is how you build trust and how a person feels they can always be open with you. Listen without feeling the need to respond, give advice, or judge. Someone that listens to you in this manner, values what you have to say. If you do find your mind wandering off, be honest with them, and ask them to repeat what they have said. The more you learn to listen, the more your love will be open with you.
Don’t Assume
My guy and I make a point to not come at each other in reactive ways. If I say something that upsets him. He asks me, “did you mean it that way?” and vice versa. If your person says something to you that affects you negatively, you need to address those emotions inside of you. The best thing to do is first to ask what they meant by what they said. Most of the time, people don’t understand how they are coming across, so never assume the worst.
Speak Clearly
When we talk to others, it’s often the first thing that comes to mind. If you take the extra few minutes of being mindful when you are expressing yourself, you will give full attention to what it is you want. Though we can never be sure how someone else will take what we say, you can reduce some misunderstanding by thinking things through before you speak.
Love Unconditionally
Each one of us has many stories that make us who we are. When you let someone tell you everything about themselves with no judgment, you can understand why they do the things they do. I have never felt judged by my person for anything I’ve done in my lifetime, and I’ve never judged him. That is what I love about our relationship. We can tell each other everything because there are no judgments. There is something very sexy about someone who loves you unconditionally.
Forget the Past
Lucky for my person and me, we don’t dwell much on previous relationships. What he did before I came into his life is none of my business, and the same goes for him. We spent the first part of our relationship, speaking our truths. He knows all my dirty deeds, and I know his. There is no reason to discuss this further. Many people have jealousy issues. They ruin a perfectly good relationship because of their jealousy about something that happened before they ever started their relationship. If that is the case with you. Find out what’s wrong with you and fix that. No one should have to explain what they did or didn’t do before they met you. When you focus on what is going on in your present life that is the only thing that matters.
If you follow these five simple rules, you will see how much your relationship can change into everything you always wanted.
One last thought, if your guy is the guy who doesn’t believe that “real men” express their feelings, you will never get to the deep level of love your heart desires. He is telling you this because this is where he lacks. Instead of fixing himself, he wants you to accept that this is the way it is. Not right, my dear. Real men are born to pursue women. Never should you have to ask a real man to show you that he loves you!
We have found that this works for us to have a deeply loving relationship that we have both always wanted. We hope it works for you.
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