Have you ever had been around judgmental people and wondered how to handle the situation? If you’ve read this blog very long, you probably aware that I am not a fan of judgmental people. For me, I do not care what religion you practice, what your political status is, or who you choose to love. You do you, and I’ll do me.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” – Wayne Dyer
However, I have struggled most of my life with being around those who judge me or judge others. We’ve been told, “treat people the way you want to be treated.” Therefore, if they judge me, then they must want me to judge them, right? That’s how I have always handled it because I want them to see how it feels. It never works, they don’t see it, and it leaves me feeling worse. I think anyone who feels judged by others, can understand this.
Many years ago, one of my parents announced to me that because of their beliefs, I was going to hell. Not only do they say this to me, but over the years, they’ve told others in my life. They believe this about both their children and their grandchildren. I’ve read articles from other children whose parents say the same about them. Their struggles with their parents are so familiar to me.
My parent has never once asked me what I believe. However, I know I could never be a part of a congregation that would think to condemn others to hell is acceptable.
Additionally, a parent is supposed to love you, unconditionally. Yet when judgment is present, there is no love.
Recently, they made another complaint about how their preacher judged them as a child. They did this on my social media business account. In return, I pointed out that they did the same to their children. The situation was no different. They took no responsibility for their judgments but made sure to reaffirm their belief that I’m going to hell for everyone to see.
When someone judges you, what they are saying is, “I’m better than you. My ideas and beliefs are right, and you are wrong.” It is no wonder that people stay away from these types of individuals and their beliefs.
I’ve meditated many times on this to figure out how I can be around someone who feels this way about me, while not allowing myself to judge them in return. What I’ve learned is this:
The only opinion that matters is my own.
When people judge us, this is how they see their world. They are telling you that you have to act, think, and be exactly like them because they believe they are right and you are wrong. These individuals want to be able to write your story for you. They have no respect for you or the life you want to create for yourself.
However, this is their opinion; it’s not the truth. If we don’t believe the lies, we don’t suffer ourselves. The truth is what feels right for you. It’s your life, and the beauty of that is, you get to make all the choices. Their opinion does not matter unless you allow it to matter.
Look at the situation from their perspective.
Put yourself in the shoes of a judgmental person. How do you think it must feel to be the judge and jury of others? What a burden that must be to carry around. These individuals have to be right all the time. They’d rather be right more than anything, and that includes loving others. It’s an awful way to live.
Nothing anyone does is because of us; it’s because of themselves. These people need your compassion.
Be curious, not judgmental” – Walt Witman
I can make a choice.
It doesn’t matter if it’s your parent or anyone else; you have the right to set boundaries. In my experience, I have yet to meet a judgemental person who wants to understand things from another perspective. Instead, they are usually very close-minded to other possibilities. When I defend my truth, it only escalates the issue and causes drama. However, I encourage you to ask them questions to see if there is a reason they have formed a judgment against you and to set necessary boundaries.
If you can’t reach an agreement or compromise, then it’s time to question yourself. Is this relationship worth your time and energy? I always go by the rule that if I continually feel bad after several interactions with someone, then I need to minimize or eliminate the time I spend with them. Equally, to be better ourselves, we need to put our energy into those people who love and support us.
I learned the lesson.
Each situation that comes into our life is teaching us a lesson. You must ask yourself what I can do to make this better for me? What can I do to learn to be better?
As for me, my lesson is to stay true to my core values. Not to give my precious time to those who harshly judge me or others. In exchange, I give more love to those who don’t judge me. To set boundaries that keep my life at peace and don’t allow me to suffer.
What works for you?
If you are a parent who judges your children, check out this article: Learning to Love Unconditionally
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