Have you ever known anyone who is always looking for sympathy? A person who is always telling you their problems, but never seem to do anything about it?
Several years ago, a friend and I were struggling to help another friend. This friend had recently come back into both our lives after many years. From the very beginning, we heard complaints about every aspect of their life.
My friend and I wanted to help this person, but each time we tried, they would refuse to make the situation better and would get mad at us. It took a while before we finally understood what was happening. This person didn’t want help; they only wanted sympathy. They were creating their drama so that others would feel sorry for them. Because we were empathizing and not sympathizing, they would get mad at us.
What’s the difference?
The definition of sympathy is feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune. It shows your concern for someone with a wish or hope that things will get better for them. It’s showing compassion for another person and letting them know we care.
The definition of empathy is the ability to understand the feelings of another. To demonstrate compassion by looking at the situation from another’s perspective, then offering to help them find a way out of their suffering.
How do you empathize with others?
When we show empathy to others, we are seeking to understand why they feel the way they do. We do that by asking questions.
For example, when we show sympathy, we say things like: “I’m so sorry that happened,” “You poor thing,” “That’s so awful, I can’t believe someone would treat you this way,” etc.
When we show empathy, we ask things like: “Why do you feel that way?” “What changes can you make to help your situation?” “What is your ideal outcome in this situation?”
When you seek to understand, you challenge the person to think more clearly and to stop seeking attention, which is a healthier way to give attention to other people’s complaints. It helps us to develop them to become a person that finds solutions for their problems.
How do I know if I’m dealing with someone who wants sympathy and not empathy?
Unfortunately, not everyone wants to solve their problems. If we continually have to give sympathy to another person about the same situations and no changes are ever made, then this person has become a sympathy seeker.
If you are dealing with someone who only wants sympathy and does not care about solving their problems, you will see one or more of the following traits:
They are always the victim.
Someone or something is always making their life miserable. These individuals create situations to provoke others, then sit back and play victim to the mess they’ve created. They find ways to create drama and are always getting involved in other people’s business.
Also, they will ask you to do things for them, that way if it goes wrong, they have you to blame.
They are always trying to get attention and compliments.
This person has to have attention from others to feel whole. If you aren’t giving it to them, they will seek it elsewhere.
You may see this type of behavior on social media. The same person will consistently post things that are vague or filled with drama. They are doing this to get you to inquire about them. They want you to ask them, “what’s the matter?” because it makes them feel better.
They are always complaining.
Part of being a sympathy seeker is complaining all the time. That’s because nothing is ever good enough. They could have the best life possible, and they will complain about it. These are negative, cynical individuals. It’s all done to get sympathy. They’d rather have someone feel sorry for them than to be happy in life.
They get angry or try to turn on you.
A sympathy seeker does not want help. If they got help and changed their situation, they would no longer get sympathy from people. And sympathy is what they are after. If you have tried to help someone get out of a situation and in return, they’ve become angry with you, that is a clear sign they are not looking to improve their life.
Instead, you have become a threat. They will twist and turn the situation on to you and are happy about this. Because guess what? They can now get sympathy from others about how you treated them.
The hunger for attention is an enemy of self-love. ―
What do you do if you have a sympathy seeker in your life?
If you have a sympathy seeker in your life, the best thing you can do for them is to quit giving them sympathy. That’s because the more sympathy you give to them, the more they will seek from you.
It takes a lot of your energy to cater to this type of behavior. I promise they will drain you way before you can ever help them.
Other articles to consider:
Mindfulness Challenge, Create a Balanced Life
6 Steps to New Year Goal Success
Peace & Love,
Ela
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