My boyfriend loves reading my articles and is supportive of everything I do. However, on the way home from our date last night he informed me that at all my stories were on serious subjects and I needed to write one of my funny stories.
Laughing and joking is in our daily life. Yet, he feels I’m not letting that come through in enough of my articles.
“Which story should I write about?” I asked him. His response was that I should write about the time my youngest crapped at the fair. One of his favorites. Personally, not one of my favorites, but I promised him I would. So this is my story.
This happened twenty years ago but remains the most embarrassing moment of my life.
My dad and his wife had asked me and my two children to go to the State Fair with them. The kids were excited, and we agreed. About halfway through the day, dad wanted to hit the concession stands. There were tables behind them that we could sit at and take a break.
Of course, our favorite thing to eat at the State Fair Is the corn dog, so I’m sure we ordered up several of those and made our way to the nearest table. While we are sitting my youngest claims that they must go potty. She was about two years old and had recently become potty trained. I told my five-year-old to stay with his grandpa as I picked up my toddler.
I started looking around for a bathroom, which you would assume would be right there next to the food stands. Couldn’t find one. I asked my dad and he said he thought they were all the way at the other end of the mid-way. About a ten-minute walk. That is about the time my toddler starts yelling “it’s bad I got to go now”. My dad said “she’s a little girl. Take her over by the trash dumpster and let her go right there”.
The trash dumpster was sitting directly behind the pizza concession stand. I had two choices. One, I could hide her behind there and let her go. Two, I could risk her going all over herself and me while looking for a restroom. The trash dumpster was chosen. I pulled down her pants and made her squat while I’m shielding her from the crowd. I’m trying to rush her along because I don’t want anyone to see us. However, being a toddler, she is going at her own pace.
I look back over my shoulder at my dad, who is staring intently at my child with a horrified look on his face. Then he starts laughing. I had no idea what was so funny until I turned back toward my toddler and looked down. She was taking a crap. Behind the Pizza Food Stand, my two-year-old was taking a crap. I was mortified.
People started to notice and started laughing at us. Someone alerted the lady that owned the pizza stand and this is when it got ugly.
She comes screaming at me. Cursing and yelling at me. I’m trying to apologize profusely as my toddler is still going on about her business. The lady is screaming at me and I ask her to please bring me some paper towels and I will clean it up. I am apologizing over and over, but she doesn’t care about my apologies. She is calling me all sorts of things and everyone has now stopped to pay attention to the commotion. I look over at my dad, who has left the table and is now walking away from the scene of the crime.
My older child, who is about 5 years old, comes over and stands next to me. As the lady is coming out and bringing me the paper towels, still cursing me by the way, I look down at my oldest. His pants are pulled down and he is going pee on the trash dumpster. It was like pouring salt into an open wound.
If you’ve ever had a moment where you wanted to disappear off the face of the earth, this was the moment for me. Most of the bystanders are laughing hysterically at what is obviously my lack of control over my children’s bodily functions. I had no defense left as I was again berated by the lady as she throws a handful of paper towels at me.
The mess is cleaned up. I grab my two children and totally defeated walk away.
When I find my dad, I have a few words about how I will never take his advice again. He is still laughing at me. I tell him I’m going to the truck and will be there until they are done.
Back at the truck my children and I all had a long discussion as to why it is not ok to pee or poop in public.
I never took the kids back to the State Fair again. I have promised that when I am an old lady that I wish for them to take me so I can return the event back onto them, but I’m not sure that will ever happen.
And this is my story of my kid crapping at the State Fair.
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