One of the most joyful and possibly hardest relationships we will ever have in life is that with our children. We feel as parents that it is our job to teach them about life so that when they are old enough, they can navigate the world.
We teach our children our beliefs and put expectations on them on how to be and act. Instead of allowing them to be who they are, we spend a majority of their youth trying to create a younger version of ourselves. Even though we are doing this with good intentions, it can lead to an imbalanced relationship with our children as time goes on.
Instead, it should be our goal to create an environment for our children to think for themselves.
A child’s shoulders are not built to carry the weight of their parent’s choices.” – Unknown
My oldest child always wanted to please me and would always do what I asked without question. He believed my beliefs and did anything I expected of him. Then my youngest came along. From the very beginning, he would do the opposite of what I would ask. He had his thoughts and ideas about life. That’s when it hit me; this was me when as a child.
I hated many of the false beliefs that I learned growing up. To be a good girl, I had to be this or that. You can’t do that, what will people think? It was so much pressure and often very confusing. However, I didn’t like people mad at me, so, for the most part, I complied.
When I realized I was doing this with my children, I stopped. What a relief that was for them and me. They both know that I love them unconditionally. The only thing I want for my children is for them to be happy and healthy. Nothing more. I have no expectations of how they should act or be. Now they are grown, and our relationships are effortless all because I changed how I let go of false beliefs and let them be who they are.
Children are great imitators. So give them something great to imitate.” – Anonymous
Your mindfulness challenge for this week is to practice being mindful of a child.
You can do this challenge with your child or even a grandchild.
I have made a list of questions to talk to your children about that you can print here. There are many different questions that you can use to ask your child of any age. Use these questions (or come up with some of your own!) to start meaningful conversations with your child.
Take a moment to be aware of your child. Look at them and see them. Notice how perfect they are just the way they are.
As you have conversations with them, become self-aware of your words. Are there any false beliefs that you are passing on to your child that are not 100% true? For instance, if you say something like “to be a good boy, you must be quiet,” etc. Well, we all know that isn’t true. You can be a good person and talk, so that is a false belief. We may not realize it, but saying things of this nature, could be confusing or damaging the child’s individuality. If a child hears this often enough, he may become shy because he views goodness with being quiet.
Make a list of things that you tell your children often and challenge them yourself. Are they true?
You can always apologize to them for anything you’ve told them that could have hurt them. Children need to learn that we make mistakes too, and when that happens, we need to give sincere apologies.
Listen deeply to your child as they talk to you about life. Try to look at things from their perspective, before you respond to them. See the world how they see it.
As they talk to you, suspend any judgment. Don’t try to change the way they answer or correct them. Let their answers be precisely the way they see their world. The only response should be something like, “thank you for sharing that with me” or something similar. The more we allow for open conversations with our children and let them be who they are, the more they are willing to talk to us.
The beauty of life should be that we each get to choose exactly how to live it unapologetically the way we see it. The best thing we can do for our children is to stop trying to make them into a version of ourselves and encourage their individuality. One day, they may change the world and all because you gave them the gift of being authentic.
Other articles you may have missed this week:
20 Habits of Mindful and Mature People
If you enjoy these mindfulness challenges, sign up for our weekly mindfulness challenge here. I would love for you to be a part of my mindful tribe.
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