Dear Exes, (Boyfriends & Husbands)
In my head, I’ve always known what love should be, but as the years passed, each one of you made me believe that it never existed. I settled many times because I thought I wasn’t good enough to have what others did when it came to love.
The result of that was that I refused to give all of myself to most of you. I did that to guard myself because I didn’t feel the love I wanted in return. Each time you would let me down, I would withdraw even more.
Don’t get me wrong; I did fall entirely in love once. I thought I had enough love for the both of us, but you never loved me back. No grudges, I forgave you long ago, and I wish nothing but the best for you.
To the rest of you, I want to apologize. I ended things with each of you because, in my heart, I always felt there was more waiting for me. I was upfront about what I wanted and expected in a relationship, but you didn’t care to listen.
If I hurt anyone by leaving and moving on, then I’m sorry. I hope you have found great happiness with someone.
In case you are wondering, I have found my person. Remember when I said I always thought there was more? I found that. I found the more I knew was out there.
The first time he placed his hand gently on the small of my back, I knew. The way he led me through a crowd. For the first time, I felt respected. The way he touched my face and kissed me with tenderness and passion. The moment he opened his heart and told me exactly his expectations and listened to mine. When he had the choice to be selfish and do for himself first, but instead chose to put me first. I knew when I only had to tell him one time what mattered to me. I knew he was the one I’d looked for my entire life.
If all of you remember, there was only one thing I ever wanted, to be your first choice. Thank you all for not making me your first choice. Being only an option for you made me look for more.
He is genuine, the most real person I’ve ever met. When he makes a promise, he follows through. If I tell him we need milk from the store, he comes home with milk. He does all of these things because I matter to him.
Above all else, he always has my back. I never wonder if he is off spreading lies about me to hurt me or try to control me more. He supports me and encourages me in whatever I’m determined to do. I love that about him.
He cares about the things that are important to me. Even something as simple as the trees I plant. He takes such great care to make sure he doesn’t run them over with the mower. It’s by far the best love I could ever hope to have.
So, thank you, all of you. Thank you for being who you are. I learned so many great lessons from each one of you. Most importantly, I learned that there is more out there, and I deserve it. Each one of us has a person out there waiting to find us.
I also learned to love myself. No longer do I have to be perfect to get love. I can be me and still get the respect I deserve. From the bottom of my heart, Thank you.
Peace & Love,
Ela
2 Comments
Leave your reply.