About four years after I initially discover that my child was gay, she had a homework assignment in school. That assignment was to make a video-based on something she felt was wrong in the world. She chose to do a documentary on alternative lifestyles.
I was the last to be told after the assignment was complete and only when it was due in a few days. I can’t even get mad about this rebellious side of my child because it exactly something I would have done myself. However, the video was going to show in class in a few days. Teachers and students were going to see my daughter coming out of the closet via video homework.
You can’t imagine the horrible thoughts I encountered for these few days leading up to the big reveal. Would the kids make fun of her? Would they be mean to her or even do something worse? We live in the county outside a small town in the mid-west. Where farmers meet daily at the coffee shop, and everyone goes to church on Sunday. And here is my child about to tell the world (or this tiny little town) she is gay.
I called my mother and told her, then my brother. Neither lived in the same town, so they took it well, as I expected they would. I drove to my father’s house on the eve of this video display. My father lived in the same small town that we did, and he owned a business for 40 years in this town. If everyone at the school saw the video at 9 am, he would hear about it at the coffee shop by 11:15 am, so I had to tell him.
I downed about two of Jack Daniel’s on the rocks before having the nerve to do it. Don’t get me wrong; the man that raised me was very kind and loving. He didn’t speak badly of anyone that lived differently than we did, but I always felt that any diversity would never be allowed in our family. He was raised the same, so he didn’t know any different. Until his grandchild said, she was gay. As I sat there telling him, expecting the worst, my father remained calm. He said it didn’t change the way he felt about her; he loved her always but believed this was just a phase.
The next day she showed her video in class.
Once it was over, her teacher emailed me and told me how much they all loved it and wanted to show it again to the school. To my knowledge, none of her friends treated her any different. I had a few parents who came to me with support, and I had judging glares from others. And that’s ok.
The truth was my child was fifteen and thought she was gay. My biggest regret was I spent so much time worrying about what others thought. What I should have done was reach out to other parents going through the same thing and learning from them.
Since my child has come out, I’ve had other parents tell me that they couldn’t tell their parents because they were prejudice and raised in a different time. I always tell them about my dad. The one person I thought would never accept having a gay grandchild made me realize that love conquers all. Until the day he died, he never treated her any different or loved her any less.
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