Letting go isn’t always as easy as it sounds. Everyone tells you to let go, hell, I’ve said it many times in my articles. Let go of anything toxic, let go of anything that doesn’t serve you well; let go, let go, let go!
When we let go, it means we have released the past and the future. We are living only in the present moment.
For the most part, I think I’m pretty good at this. However, the other day a friend made a Facebook post about fake people. Without thinking, I commented that fake people make me want to puke. That’s true, they do. However, after I said it, a few of those people I let go, the ones who were friendly to my face while talking badly about me behind my back, started creeping back in my head.
Unconsciously I was most likely thinking of them when I wrote it. When I realized what I had done, I went back and deleted my comment. Not because I don’t have a right to speak my truth, because I do. My truth is that I will never understand people who act one way in front of you and another way behind your back. I’m an adult, I get that not everyone is meant to be in my life. If you don’t like me that is perfectly fine, but don’t pretend as you do. No, I deleted it because I didn’t want to be part of any drama that would bring that situation back into my present. I had already let go of these people. I didn’t need nor want anything that would allow them to come back in.
Our unconscious minds are where we store the things that have happened to us throughout our lives. Memories, traumatic experiences, fears, urges, and thought processes all reside there.
If someone cuts you off in traffic, you get upset. However, you probably aren’t thinking about it for months or years. You let go of it quickly until someone does it again. Then you may bring it up out of your unconscious memory of the last time someone cut you off. The more someone cuts you off, the more you will recall this information.
This is true for anything that happens in your life. Each time someone hurts us, we store that information into our unconscious minds. When something comes into our life that triggers that memory, we bring that person back into our thoughts.
So how do you learn to let go?
- Practice. Letting go is something that takes practice. You practice until you get it right.
- Self-Awareness. Like my situation above, I caught myself directly after I had commented. That’s self-awareness. Being aware of your personality and why you do the things you do.
- Sympathize. Everything people do is a reflection of themselves. If someone is hurtful to you, think about how they must feel on the inside. Healthy people don’t go around trying to hurt others. They don’t love themselves, so how can you expect them to love you. While boundaries are necessary to keep them from hurting you further, you can still show sympathy toward them.
- Take a deep breath. We gain much clarity if we take a moment to take a deep breath and process why we have allowed these thoughts back into our minds. The Buddhist have a breathing technique that they often use to let go. In this process, you will breathe in the negativity and hurt, hold your breath. As you release your breath, send out happiness, and love to those who’ve hurt you.
- Laugh. Laughter cures almost every negative situation. I’m a pro at making myself laugh, but if you need help in this area, call up the funniest person you know and spend time talking to them. I guarantee you will forget all about, wait, who were you thinking about?
Remember, it’s ok to have a moment where things come up from the past or future. What is not ok is to remain there.
If you are asking yourself, what about those who hurt us? Let them be who they are. You remain focused on your happiness and being whole. Hopefully, one day, they too will have a moment of clarity and will work on themselves before they hurt anyone else.
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