We are now in week two of balancing out our social and family relationships. Since this week is Valentine’s Day, we are going to focus on one of the most important relationships you will ever have, the one you love and share life. Other than ourselves, this is the relationship (or should be) that knows us better than anyone.
Your significant other is the person who you spend the most time with, right after yourself. You wake up with this person and go to bed with this person. It is this person that should always have your back, be your best friend, and love you the way you are. You should be able to tell them anything and have no judgment because their love is unconditional.
I will be the first to admit; that when I was married to my youngest child’s father, I didn’t love him unconditionally. I couldn’t accept his behavior because it wasn’t what I needed it to be for my children or me. I chose to stay with him knowing this was who he was. Then I chose to remind him each day of what he needed to fix about himself.
It was no wonder; his behavior continually got worse throughout our marriage. Perhaps he already felt he wasn’t good enough, and here I was reminding him of that each day. The worst part is, I should have seen my behavior while this was happening. I’ve spent a lifetime not feeling good enough for certain people in my life. It’s a terrible feeling, and I have a hard time being around those who make me feel this way. Once I recognized that I was doing this to another person, I quickly chose to change it. Even though I loved him deeply, I left our marriage. I needed to work on myself, and he didn’t need me to fix him any longer.
Few people in our lives love us unconditionally. When you find these people, cherish it because it is so rare. Unconditional love is so important to me and should be to all of us. However, the first lesson to receiving unconditional love is to give it.
Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” — Bob Marley
This week’s mindfulness challenge is to love your partner, unconditionally.
Print out two worksheets, one for you and one for your partner. Each of you will do this challenge separately then discuss this challenge together. If you can’t get your partner to commit to this challenge, that is perfectly fine. You can do it alone. Once they start to see a change in you, they might be more willing to do this at that time.
Take some time to think about your relationship. Write down everything you expect from your loved one. What can your partner do to make you happy? Think of things you are continually asking them to do or change about themselves.
After you’ve written down all your expectations, ask yourself the following questions for each item:
Are these expectations realistic?
Who do these expectations benefit the most?
Now go back over your list. With a red marker, mark out each expectation you have of your loved one that is unrealistic.
Go over your list one more time and mark out any expectations that benefit you.
The only expectations that remain on your list should be ones that your loved one can realistically accomplish, and that benefits only them.
Ask your love to sit with you as you go over this list. Talk about the expectations that you marked out and make a commitment that you will no longer use these against them. You are letting go of your expectations of them and will practice loving them unconditionally from this day on.
Next, talk about the expectations that are left. Ask your partner if they are willing to work on these themselves. If they do not agree that they need to work on those things, accept that. Take out your red marker and draw a line through those as well.
What’s left are areas to work on that your partner acknowledges.
On each of your worksheets, write down your commitments of loving each other unconditionally and what you plan to work on yourself. If everything is marked out, then you must accept this and love them exactly as they are with no expectations that they will ever be different.
Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get–only with what you are expecting to give–which is everything.” Katherine Hepburn
If you can’t do this, then you need to examine this relationship and decide for yourself if this is right for you. If your partner is doing something to harm you or themselves, of course, you can give unconditional love to them while not continuing this relationship. Unconditional love does not mean unconditional time given.
Remember, the key is that we are each responsible for ourselves. It is up to us to work on any growth we feel we need. When we are loved unconditionally, we are more willing to do that on our own.
Nobody wants to feel like they aren’t good enough, nor be reminded daily of it. When we let go of our expectations of how others should live and act, all that is left is unconditional love.
If you or someone you know would benefit from weekly mindfulness challenges, please sign up for our mailing list here. I would love for you to be a part of our mindful tribe.
Other articles you may have missed this past week:
18 Things Happy People Do Often
I hope you all have a beautiful, loving Valentine’s week.
Peace & Love,
Ela
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